While watching Sesame Street with my daughter, I noticed a little girl playing with a jack-in-the-box toy. She turned the crank, round and round, while the music chimed on…”Pop!” out came the clown. She responded with surprise and while giggling she exclaimed, “That scared me!”

Much like the jack-in-the-box, our emotions “pop up” at times. And when they do, it can be shocking and disorienting—“Where did that come from?!”

Intense emotions are the ones that usually grab our attention.

Anger

Fear

Exhaustion

Shame

A few weeks ago my anger “popped up”…in a big way.

·       I felt tired from lack of sleep—crank.

·       Someone I love said something that hurt and I didn’t want to face the pain—crank.

·       I allowed comparative thoughts to go unchecked about why I’m not “successful” and why everyone else is—crank.

·       I noticed my irrational response to my kids and turned that anger on myself —crank.

Crank. Crank. Crank. Pop!

“I’ve had enough! I can’t make one more meal or do one more dang dish! I’m so tired of getting no where!” I sat down on the couch, put my head in my hands and cried. Everything I had held back, ignored, and pushed aside—erupted. Earlier in the day my husband, Tim, had noticed I was having a difficult time. He offered to adjust his schedule to give me some time alone. “No…I’m okay. I’ve got stuff to do.”

Tim sat down next to me and patiently listened. He encouraged me to take time to care for myself. I needed that. I was so cranked up it was difficult to give myself what I really needed.

What’s really going on?

Through tears and conversation, I poured out my heart. My anger wasn’t really about the dishes or cooking. In fact anger wasn’t at the core of what was really going on at all.

I spent my needed alone-time finding my way back to my heart. Identifying and acknowledging what I really felt and what I really needed under the hurt, anger, and confusion.

What I needed was rest. To be gentle with myself. And in THAT space my heart became soft. With a soft heart I could see what was true and I could receive God’s presence and hear His voice of love.

God had been inviting me all along to enter into this place. At each “crank” He was there, offering me comfort and a fresh perspective. But I was too busy muscling my way through productivity—ignoring all the signs and cues which rendered me motionless. Unable to move ahead with integrity. I was hurting and going at a pace that wasn’t good for my heart.

Sometimes we act as if our emotions can be “toyed” with. Like they can be cranked and cranked and cranked…ignored, pushed aside, pummeled…pretending that everything is “okay” and then somehow expect there won’t be any consequences - to ourselves or those around us.

Some people live their entire lives in this loop. Round and round, rejecting what’s important within and ignoring the serious business of their hearts. Cranking and popping. Cranking and popping.

What’s the alternative?

Emotionally courageous people make it a habit of noticing their emotions, acknowledging what’s really going on, giving themselves some compassion, and being open to some new perspectives.

In essence, emotionally courageous people pay attention to their hearts. They slow down long enough to identify and cast aside the “shoulds” of the world. They get gently curious with themselves and ask:

What’s going on here? What do I need? Lord, what are you saying?

Emotionally courageous people are patient with themselves and tune into the stuff that’s “cranking” on their hearts. With practice, this important and challenging work helps us be more resilient and at times even avoid the “pop” all together.

So the next time you feel the emotional cranks happening, don’t be a crank. Take the time to identify what your emotions are really telling you and find your way back to your true heart.

Brittani cherishes quiet time with Jesus, coffee dates with her husband, dancing with her girls, and making people laugh--impersonations are her jam! She partners with her husband Tim to help people live out of their God given design. She loves working with leaders and helping them stay in their highest priority while staying true to their heart. Basically, she JUMPS at the opportunity to be present and laser-focused on matters of the heart.

Do you know what the odds are of you winning the Mega Million lottery in 2019?  

Well according to a CNBC report it’s 1 in 302,000,000!

You have better odds at:

• Marrying a millionaire          -1 in 215 million

• Being elected president       -1 in 320.6 million

• Getting struck by lighting     -1 in 100 million
  

Do you know what the odds are of a pastor NOT finishing well in ministry? 

Well it’s not as high as NOT winning the lotto, but it’s still pretty high. 

Here's what the research shows

According to research done by J. Robert Clinton, from the leadership development department at Fuller Theological Institute, 80% of pastors never make it to what he calls “convergence.”  That’s where our gifts, passions, temperament, and our life and ministry experiences all come together. It’s when we’re living and leading out of our “sweet spot,” and making our greatest contribution. 

Yep you heard right. 80%! That’s pretty high odds. 

According to Clinton’s research, most pastors and Christian leaders either get stuck or get derailed in what he calls the Life Maturing Stage (the most critical stage in the life of a leader) and never make it to their season of Convergence, which is usually the most fruitful and fulfilling season in the life of a leader.  

Let’s beat the odds.

I can’t give you a formula for winning the lottery, but I can give you an opportunity to beat the odds at NOT finishing well in ministry. 

Check out my new Staying Power Webinar and find out:

• The Path To Staying In It Over The Long Haul

• The Process To Remaining Healthy In Life and Leadership

• The Pattern To Ongoing Personal & Professional Growth 

I don't think it's an overstatement to say this could be my most important work to date.

Sincerely Submitted As A Fellow Traveler,

Ken 

P.S. Click the button below and view my new Staying Power Webinar. It's a quick watch and worth $200 to you for doing so. (No Gimmicks) 

 Guest Post by Leslee Cavanaugh

“Change is Good”… NOT!

You’ve heard it said, “Change is good.” 

As I prepare to send my second child back to college, I must disagree.

I hate this change. I hate this transition from a house full of people and activity, to silence and “empty nest.” Change may be good, but it is also HARD. It’s hard to move from the familiar to the unknown.

One of My Favorite Bible Verses…NOT!

Transitions are part of life, there are seasons for everything. Take, for example, one of my (not) favorite Bible verses, Ecclesiastes 3: 3-8.

A time to kill, And a time to heal;
A time to break down, And a time to build up;
  A time to weep, And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, And a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embrace
A time to gain, And a time to lose;
A time to keep, And a time to throw away,
A time to tear, And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;
A time to love, And a time to hate;
A time of war, And a time of peace.

I have always struggled with this portion of Scripture. Why? Because, I get “stuck” and comfortable in seasons. I want to stay in certain seasons, but it’s not what I am called to do.

I must embrace the transitions in life and seek out what God has for me, as I move from season to season.

Lessons We Can Learn In Seasons Of Change

We all experience transitions in life.  We can wail, moan, and kick our feet, but what we really need to ask is “What can this teach me? What is God doing during this transition?”.

• I need to remember that transition is not always a bad thing.

Often, God is moving me into something bigger, something that He wants to bless me in. In my life, I have moved through many seasons of transition. I moved from innocent childhood to teenage angst. Transitioned from somewhat wild and rebellious college life, to responsible career woman. I changed status from independent single woman to happily married woman and step-mom. I experienced a long season of infertility, and finally motherhood. I spent several years home schooling my children, then releasing them to high school, and now college. 

• I have learned God is always there.

God is with me, He is ALWAYS with me. He knows when I am in a hard season, and He knows when I am in a season of abundant blessing. But He is there ALL THE TIME, no matter what the season, and especially in the transitions.

Okay, God, You have my attention. Life is full of changes. The only thing that does not change is YOU.

I can trust You in the transitions!

Living On Purpose,

Leslee Cavanaugh

Guest Blogger Leslee Cavanaugh is a wife, stepmother of two, mother of two, and grandmother of four. She enjoys creative writing and wants to share it with others.

I pastored for thirty-three years. Twenty-eight of those as a senior pastor. 

One of the things I wished I had learned much, much earlier in my leadership was....

The Importance Of Communication!

Although being a good public communicator is important, that's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about the importance of having a clear process of communication within a church - or as far as that goes - within any organization.

The Business World Gets It

I was once talking to a CEO of a very successful business, and he told me that he spends at least 50% of his time - if not more - with his senior leadership team, his managers, his employees, his customers, his board, and his stockholders - making sure they have clear and consistent communication about what's happening in the company. Wow!... 50% of his time...or more!  

I Didn't Get It

I'm an introvert and a contemplator. So I "live in my head a lot." And as a leader, since what I was trying to do, where I was trying to go, and how I was trying to get there - was all pretty clear in my head ...  and since I had had a few conversations in staff meetings about the direction of the church ... and since I had an annual "vision meeting" with the church I led ... I assumed my communication was good. NOT!

Two Lesson's I've Learned 

1. You need a clear decision making process and a clear communication process within your church or organization.

For me, the decision making process, along with the communication process, went from me, to the elders, to the deacons, to the staff, to the key influencers, to the entire congregation. 

So anytime I stood up to communicate a decision that had been made - everyone knew that the decision making process and the communication process had gone through that thorough process. 

I can't tell you how much heartache this would save a lot of pastors/leaders if they simply had this kind of clear decision making process and communication process in place. 

I worked with a church recently that was going through some really difficult times. And if you had to pull on the string and figure out why they were having the turmoil they were having, it was primarily because the lead pastor was a) making decisions on his own and b) giving very limited communication to his congregation. 

2. People are more concerned with the "why" of a decision than they are of the how, when, and where.

Often times in our communication process - whether it's spoken or written, or whether its in a one-on-one meeting or a leadership team meeting - we spend more time focusing on the how, when, and where than we do the why. But what I've found, if people are clear and convinced of the "why" (the reasons behind the decision you've made), then they are much more open to the how, where, and when of the decision. 

Yet many pastors/leaders spend time communicating a lot of the details (in the weeds) without first giving clear, consistent, and convincing communication of the why/reasons. 

I'm currently working with a church that just changed their name. For most churches that's a pretty big deal which can bring up a lot of resistance and turmoil. But this pastor did a GREAT JOB spending lots of time - both written and verbal - with the staff, council, influencers, and congregation - communicating the WHY behind the name change. As a result, the church ratified the new vision and name change with a 97.5% vote affirming the new name.

It’s Worth It

Granted, it takes time, energy, effort, forethought, and planning -  but in the end it will eliminate - or at least greatly lessen - a great deal of confusion, chaos, and conflict with your leadership, within your congregation. Guarantee it!

Sincerely offered as a fellow traveler. 


Ken L Roberts 

PS. If I can further serve you, I’d be honored.

Guest Post by Pamela Lozano

Hey God, “No Thanks!”

When we head out toward a dream that God has put in our heart, it’s a good thing we don’t know where that dream may lead us or what we might face along the way.

If we knew up front all the hurdles we’d have to jump, the criticisms we’d have to face, the hardships we’d have to tackle, and the self-doubts we’d have to conquer - we would probably just crawl back under the covers and say, “Hey God, No Thanks!”

A Dream Is Born

Six and a half years ago I launched into one of my dreams. I wish I could say it’s been easy...

After being a youth pastor for fifteen years, I heard a lot of stories from teen girls who were dealing with self-hatred; girls who despised the way they looked. And as a result, many of them struggling with eating disorder and other issues of self-harm. Most of these stories came from “churched-girls” who had grown up in homes with loving parents who only wanted the best for them. Yet behind closed doors, many of these girls were struggling to cope with life, and desperately struggling to love themselves.

Pure Design Ministries

As I continued pastoring, my heart broke and I began dreaming of ways I could help teen girls - both within the church but also through a role well beyond the church. So, in 2012, I launched Pure Design Ministries.

Pure Design Ministries is a non-profit 501C 3 organization that seeks to create a counter-cultural brand that empowers girls to set higher standards by imparting confidence through truth and authenticity. We primarily accomplish our mission through blogs, social media posts, online and in-print publications and annual conferences.

Pure Design Teen Magazine was the first key piece. This dream began as I looked for a tangible way to get into the lives and homes of as many teenage girls as possible. Without any prior knowledge in publication or printing, I asked my fifteen-year-old daughter, who loved fashion, to start a magazine with me. This magazine would merge my love for mentoring girls and my daughter’s passion for fashion!  Excitedly, she agreed. So we reached out to a couple friends and their daughters and now six years later we have a team of twenty-five volunteers and many others who help with our publications and events! 

I wish I could say this ministry and the magazine took off like a rocket, but the reality is growth has been very slow, yet thankfully, also very steady. It hasn’t been easy, but the satisfaction of doing something I am both passionate about and believe deeply in is indescribable. Add to that the deep sense of knowing I’m right where I’m supposed to be, and I am able to embrace this place and be at peace.

Three Lessons I’ve Learned Along The Way

Here are three lessons I’ve learned along the way that I hope will encourage you as you pursue your dream.

• You carry the vision for your dream more passionately than anyone else

There have been several amazing women on my team over the years, but no one lives, eats, breathes and sleeps the vision of my dream like I do.  The women on our team are absolutely vital to carry out what we do, but I am responsible to care for the dream God has entrusted to me.

• You must have a long-term mentality

We live in a culture that idolizes instant popularity, growth and fame. However, for dreams to truly last they have to be built over time with hard work, effort…and a lot of prayer.  Make sure you are passionate before you launch your dream, and make sure you have the stamina and commitment to keep with it, maybe even without pay for a long period of time.

• God’s delays are divine delays

I’ve come to embrace the term “divine delays.”  In the past two years, I’ve experienced more delays than ever. Things I hoped to accomplish were shelved, money I hoped to make didn’t come in, and collaborations I hoped would come together didn’t come through. I have learned to trust that God’s timing is absolutely perfect, and His delays are purposeful. I know God doesn’t delay His promises to punish me, but to prepare me for something better down the road. His delays are ultimately for my good.

Dream On

These three keys may not sound fun, but the joy of walking in your purpose and accomplishing our dreams is unmeasurable.  Begin today by crawling out from under the covers and say “Yes” to the things God has called you to do.

Pam Lozano

Pam Lozano is the Founder and President of Pure Design Ministries and Teen Magazine. She has been a youth pastor for over 20 years and currently works with her husband at Oasis City Church in Westerville, Ohio. She loves investing in and mentoring the next generation to raise them up to be who God has designed them to be. Pam loves to sing on the worship team, write, drink Starbucks with friends, and go for long walks.

Pure Design’s website & social media platforms are:

www.puredesignteenmag.com

Purchase Pure Design Teen Magazine, The Pure Beauty Devo. and other great products at:  www.puredesigngirl.com

PS - If I can help you fulfill your dreams in 2019, schedule your 20 minute no-obligation get-to-know-you session today.